Friday, 17 April 2015

18 things I miss since having kids

I love having children. Even though I adore my two little red heads, there are still things that I miss BGN (Before Ginger Nuts.)

1. Smelling of perfume, my favourite being Jo Malone 154, rather than an odd combined fragrance of florals with stale baby sick.

2. Wearing cotton non-stretch clothing... but seriously, who has time for ironing now!

3. Using the toilet on my own.

4. Speaking of bathrooms; I had forgotten what it was like to shower without a loud voice declaring that "Mummy's tummy is wobbly." And then after asking what Daddy's tummy was like, in the vain hope to somehow balance the knock to my self esteem, hearing "Daddy's tummy is perfect."

5. Not eating food at a pace likened to that of a shoal of piranhas, anxiously aware that if you don't eat it now someone may cry, poo, vomit, hurt themselves or cause a world wide economic breakdown if you dare to savour your meal.

6. Eating food that isn't stolen by a little red head with Puss in Boots style eyes.

7. Silence.

8. Driving with the radio on so loud you know your mother would tell you that you're damaging your ear drums.

9. Walking at a pace faster than a tired snail.

10. A house without stair gates.

11. Meal plans that don't revolve around cheese and pasta.

12. Daytime drinking.

13. Sunbathing.

14. Leaving the house with nothing more than a compact satchel, rather than an arsenal of mothering weaponry.

15. Being on time.

16. Cream carpets.

17. Cooking for people who don't immediately spit it out and proclaim that what you have worked on for half an hour is 'gusting.'

18. Seeing an aeroplane, helicopter, fire engine, boat, police car or cat without feeling genuine excitement and screaming that I've just seen any of the above, even when my children aren't near me.

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