The List used to be my friend. My comforting and rewarding friend. It gave me structure, order, attainable goals and a sense of achievement when everything was brightly crossed off, ideally with a glitter pen. Since having children I'm having to address my relationship with The List.
I no longer have chunks of time to dedicate to chores. Paint that fence? Sand and re-paint the bathroom door? Whip up an amazingly cute Liberty Dress for Little Red Head number one? erm.... no evil list, I just can't!
I have been trying for too long to still happily write, and tick off reams of chores. One day I realised that it just had to go. No, it wasn't the day when something had sat at number 9 for about three months. It was when I asked Lena to pass me something and she retorted with 'hang on, I'll just be a minute.' That, my friends is what I would call a toddler echo. And it scared the life out of me.
I had been so pre-occupied with keeping my house in order, making appointments in a timely manner, washing down the kitchen cupboards that I had forgotten the most important thing. To make Lena the most important thing. Whenever I tried to play with her, I would be easily distracted. I would feel points number 25 and 26 nagging at me whilst I made the play-doh dolphin. Hang on a minute Lena, let me just do this and I'll come and play. I have said it far too often.
So now the list and I are trying to find a balance. Whilst I am also trying to make myself sit on the floor more, by her toy cupboard, actively engaging with my little baby who will soon be too big to care if I play with her or not.